Raising a child in today’s fast-paced, emotionally charged world can be overwhelming. You may find yourself wondering how to equip your child with the tools to make wise decisions and prioritize their needs effectively. Stoicism, an ancient philosophy practiced by some of history’s greatest minds, offers valuable insights for this parenting challenge.
The core tenet of Stoicism is that we can’t control external events, only our reactions to them. Your child will face a myriad of choices and challenges—some trivial, like choosing between two toys, and some significant, like dealing with conflict at school. The Stoic approach emphasizes understanding the difference between external influences and internal judgments.
A helpful concept here is the Stoic idea of “preferred indifferents.” Stoicism teaches us that some things are neither inherently good nor bad, but they can be “preferred” if they align with virtuous living. For instance, health, education, and friendships are not necessarily good in themselves, but they can be good when they promote a virtuous life. Instilling this idea in your child helps them to prioritize needs over wants.
Let’s consider schoolwork. Your child might not enjoy doing homework and would rather play video games. Both activities are indifferent in Stoic terms, but one aligns more closely with the virtues of discipline and wisdom. Teaching your child to see the deeper value in completing their homework can help them naturally prioritize it over short-term pleasure. You’re not just imposing a rule, but helping them internalize a way to make beneficial choices.
The Stoic principle of “Eudaimonia,” or flourishing, provides another guiding light. A flourishing life is one lived in accordance with reason and virtue. You can pose questions that lead your child to think critically about what really matters for their well-being. Instead of asking, “What do you want to do?”, you might ask, “What’s the best thing for you to do right now?” This subtly shifts their thinking from immediate desires to long-term needs and aspirations.
Another Stoic tool for decision-making is the “View from Above.” It’s a mental exercise that involves imagining looking down at one’s life from a high vantage point, thus gaining a broader perspective. Teach your child to use this tool when they’re torn between options. A broadened viewpoint can help them identify what’s genuinely important and what’s not. For example, skipping a difficult task may bring immediate relief but completing it would offer long-lasting benefits.
Stoicism also encourages us to focus on our “Circle of Control,” which is particularly relevant in the realm of emotional well-being. Children often feel upset when they can’t control external situations. Explain that while they can’t control how others behave or what happens at school, they can control their reactions. This empowers them to focus on meeting their emotional needs, such as finding calm through deep breaths or asking for help when overwhelmed.
Applying Stoic principles in these ways offers your child a sturdy framework for prioritizing their needs over wants, and immediate comforts over long-term benefits. The virtue-centered Stoic approach equips them to navigate life’s complexities with resilience and wisdom, shaping not only their decisions but also their character.
