The Stoic Simple Blog – Page 34

Stoic Quotes on Marriage: The Best Stoicism Sayings & Phrases

What exactly did the ancient Stoics think about marriage? It’s true, there isn’t a huge amount of quotes to find from them specifically about marriage, although there are plenty about love, relationships and caring for people in our lives. It’s worth keeping in mind that marriage during the time of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca was a very different institution than it is today.

For the ancient Stoics, one of the most important ways to have a good marriage was to be understanding of our spouses, and to remember that we aren’t in control of how long they might be with us (and that they could be taken by us because of fate, their own choice, and even death). Responding with love to even their shortcomings was a big lesson from the Stoics about marriage.

These quotes focus less on marriage and more on love and relationships, but they can still be applied to the dynamics you have with your spouse today. Stoicism teaches to have understanding for others and to accept what you can’t control, and that’s a great lesson for any type of marriage, husband or wife.

Stoic Quotes on Marriage from Marcus Aurelius

“Love is beautiful, and that a man and a woman loving each other should live together is the will of God, but if there comes a time when they can not live in peace, let them part. To have no relationship is not a disgrace; to have wrong relations is, for disgrace means lack of grace, discord, and love is harmony.“

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

“Not to display anger or other emotions. To be free of passion and yet full of love.“

Stoic Quotes on Marriage from Epictetus

“If you want your children and wife and friends to live forever, you’re a fool, because you’re wanting things that aren’t within your power to be within your power, and the things that aren’t your own to be your own.”

“Whoever then understands what is good, can also know how to love; but he who cannot distinguish good from bad, and things which are neither good nor bad from both, can he possess the power of loving? To love, then, is only in the power of the wise.”

Stoic Quotes on Marriage from Seneca

“Whoever then understands what is good, can also know how to love; but he who cannot distinguish good from bad, and things which are neither good nor bad from both, can he possess the power of loving? To love, then, is only in the power of the wise.”

“Nature bore us related to one another . . . She instilled in us a mutual love and made us compatible . . . Let us hold everything in common; we stem from a common source. Our fellowship is very similar to an arch of stones, which would fall apart, if they did not reciprocally support each other.“

“Joy comes to us from those whom we love even when they are absent. When present, seeing them and associating intimately with them yields real pleasure.”

Using Stoicism to be Less Emotional About Politics & News Media

by Bob Cymber

Most Stoics are aware of the famous “Dichotomy of Control.” In this view, there are things that are directly under our influence and things that are not directly under our influence (although those who know about modern Stoic William Irvine’s commentary realize that he allows for a third category: things that are partially under your control).

How can we employ the Dichotomy of Control when we hear about the news and politics?

In the United States, the political division between the two parties of government is often heightened by the news and media. Society seems like it is undergoing a transformation of social values based on a heightened awareness of injustices toward certain groups of people.

I remember learning about things like the Red Scare and the increased caution in using technology from the result of 9/11 and The Patriot Act. Within the past couple years or so, I have witnessed the media’s power firsthand.

From an outsider looking in, it is hard to find peace and tranquility with all of this happening. Sometimes it is hard when you hear about situations that are not within our control. Epictetus, in Discourses 3:18, provides some wisdom about how to react.

“Whenever any disturbing news is brought to you, you should have this thought ready at hand: that news never relates to anything that lies within the sphere of choice… What does someone else’s evil have to do with you? Your own evil is to make a bad defense. That alone is what you need to guard against; but as to whether you’re condemned or acquitted, that is someone else’s business, and accordingly, someone else’s evil. ⎼ ‘So-and-so is making threats against you.’ ⎼ Against me? No. ⎼ ‘He’s criticizing you.’ ⎼ It’s for him to look to how he carries out his own business. ⎼ ‘He’s going to condemn you unjustly.’ ⎼ Poor wretch!”

I really love this passage and exchange. The humorous responses Epictetus gives to his fictional friend are pretty entertaining.

Even in ancient Rome, there were plenty of scandals and political drama. He took careful time to warn Stoics of the harms of hearing about other peoples’ business. This definitely applies to the “gossip round town” as well.

It truly makes you reflect how contemporary people would act if they put Epictetus’ advice into practice. Some may object and say that if everybody applies Epictetus’ counsel, we would be in danger of living under an uncontested tyranny. I do not think this is what Epictetus advises here.

Epictetus, like the other ancient Stoics, realizes the importance of acting justly and according to a cosmopolitan human nature. If there is a possibility of true injustice, this is where there may be some justification in an intervention. Although, it is arguable that most news clickbait today deals with trivial matters in the grand scheme of a lifetime.

This brings up a relevant question each person needs to ask ourselves: “Where is the line I draw between media frivolity and the reporting of actual cases of societal injustices?” Epictetus seems to think that we need a strict, defined line of injustice instead of erring on the permissive side. This way, we are not in danger of acting impulsively toward things that do not deserve our energy.

Moreover, the ubiquity of media tempts people from a particular political stance to rage against the apparent offender. In this arena, it is the classic sociological in-group versus the out-group. Many times, people will react within a few hours of the news report (without having investigated for truth or bias). With eloquence, Epictetus provides us with some advice in restraint:

“To suppose that we’ll be viewed with disdain by others if we don’t resort to every means to injure the first [political] enemies we encounter is the mark of thoroughly ignoble and foolish people; for we generally say that someone can be recognized as contemptible by, among other things, his incapacity to do harm, whereas it is much more by his incapacity to do good” (Fragment VII).

A lot of those who find themselves frustrated or fatigued by opposing political ideas can really benefit from these words. Has anyone ever attacked your character because you refused to concern yourself with an unhealthy political figure? Epictetus thinks that this refusal is not as detestable as someone who finds it impossible to do good deeds.

Rest assured that your avoidance of inconsequential political matters is in accordance with a rational, calm mind.

Bob Cymber is the founder of Stoic Coach, and he helps clients with personal development through trainings in resilience, purpose, and confidence.

Stoicism Simplified: an Easy Overview of What Stoics Believe

by Enda Harte

For me, there are six important first steps that I prioritized for practicing Stoicism (referenced in the diagram above), and I wanted to use this opportunity to go over each of these in a little more detail. Hopefully you’ll get an understanding of what they mean, and why it’s important to practice these concepts. (I’m basing this entire article on a diagram that was created for my newsletter.)

Of course there are more tenets, exercises, and general psychology involved in Stoic Philosophy. However, let’s strip it back and try to understand some of the things that I feel are a good place to start as a novice.

It’s important to note, like with training your body, it will take a considerable amount of learning, and application to get comfortable and stronger with any Philosophy of living. I hope that this article will kick-start your research, and engage your brain for a life filled with Stoic thought.

1. You Are Only Mortal

Given that all must die, it is better to die with distinction than to live long.
Musonius Rufus, Fragments

This phrase is a central idea in Stoicism, because it reiterates the impermanence of human life, as well as the importance of living in the present moment. The majority of the Stoics believed that fearing the inevitable isn’t rational. By accepting our mortality, we can cultivate a sense of thankfulness and appreciation for the time we have, and focus on what is truly important in life.

To practice this concept, you can start by taking time each day to reflect on the impermanence of life and the importance of living in the present moment. You can also focus on expressing gratitude for the people and experiences in your life, as a reminder to make the most of the time you have.

2. You Have the Power

The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.
Epictetus, Discourses

In Stoicism, it is believed that we have the faculties available to control our thoughts, emotions, and actions – but it is up to us to use that power wisely. By recognizing our own agency and taking ownership of our lives, we can cultivate a sense of self-control and personal responsibility. Other things outside of this are not ultimately up to us.

You can kick-start this by focusing on taking ownership of your thoughts, emotions, and actions. This entails examining your beliefs and values, and making a conscious effort to align your thoughts and actions with those values. You can also practice mindfulness and self-reflection to gain greater insight into your own behavior and motivations.

3. The Stoic Virtues

Virtue depends partly upon training and partly upon practice; you must learn first, and then strengthen your learning by action.
Seneca the Younger, Epistles

The Four Cardinal Virtues of wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance are a central concept in Stoicism. They are considered to be the foundation of a good life, taken from the Socratic Virtues. It is a central belief that by cultivating these virtues within ourselves, we can live in harmony with nature and others, and achieve inner peace and fulfillment.

For instance, setting goals that align with these virtues is a good place to start, by making a conscious effort to practice them in your interactions with others. For example, you might seek out opportunities to be more just in your dealings with others, or to practice greater self-control and moderation in your own behavior.

4. The Cosmopolis

Stoic tradition emphasized the compatibility of philosophy with civic life; indeed, many went a good deal farther than this and stressed the necessity of civic engagement as part and parcel of what it meant to be a Stoic
C. Kavin Rowe

The Stoics believed in the concept of the cosmopolis, or the idea that all human beings are citizens of the same world or universe and that we are all interconnected. By recognizing our place in the larger scheme of things and focusing on the common good, we can live in harmony with others and contribute to the greater good.

To get to grips with the idea of the cosmopolis, you can focus on cultivating a sense of connectedness and empathy with others. Think about seeking out opportunities to volunteer or contribute to your community, and by making a conscious effort to practice kindness and compassion in your daily interactions.

5. (Universal) Reason

What defined a Stoic above all else was the choice of a life in which every thought, every desire, and every action would be guided by no other law than that of universal Reason.
Pierre Hadot

Reason is a central concept in Stoicism, and essentially is the ability to think rationally and logically. The Stoics believed that by using reason to analyze our thoughts and actions, we can gain greater insight into ourselves and the world around us, and live a good life in accordance with nature.

Get familiar with this concept by examining your beliefs and assumptions, and by making a conscious effort to question and challenge them. You can also practice critical thinking and problem-solving skills to gain greater insight into your own behavior and the world around you.

6. Resilience

Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of a strong person.
Seneca, Epistles

In Stoicism, resilience is noted frequently, and well practiced by the Philosophers who carried the ‘torch’ of the school. It is the ability to bounce back from adversity and overcome challenges. By accepting the inevitability of hardship and practicing resilience, we can develop greater strength and character, and live a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

A simple way to start looking at this is by re-framing challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, and by practicing self-care and stress-management techniques to help you cope with adversity. It’s important to remember that you don’t need to tackle life alone. You can also seek out support from friends, family, or a mental health professional, if needed.

What Does it Mean to be a Stoic? Using Christianity to Explain Stoicism

by Tanner Campbell

What does it mean to be a Stoic? I think Christianity can be used as a quasi-parallel to help answer this question.

What does it mean to be a Christian? I think the base-line of the faith is the belief that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.

In Stoicism that base-line would be replaced with the belief that Virtue is the only good.

If you believe that Christ is Lord and Savior (and also have accepted him as such), and you call yourself a Christian, then you are a Christian in as much that no one can require more of you to self-apply the label.

If you believe that Virtue is the only good, and you call yourself a Stoic, then you are a Stoic in as much that no one can require more of you to self-apply the label.

But certainly being a Christian or a Stoic must be more than a single belief and self-applied label, right? Must it not also include a certain set of behaviors as governed by those core beliefs? I would not say that it must, but that it is likely to and probably should.

In Christianity these behaviors are tenants derived from the gospels. Christians are meant to ask themselves, “what would Jesus do?” and then proceed to do their best to act in alignment with his example. By doing so, Christians are living up to the teachings of Jesus and, by extension, to God; the yardstick of Christianity’s comparative morality (act like Jesus would act, and you are acting correctly or well).

Does Stoicism have something similar?

Absolutely.

The Stoics believe Virtue is the only good, as I’ve said, but there are no tenants, per se. There is, however, a question similar to “what would Jesus do?”, and that question is: “Is this reflective of a character that is moving towards Virtue?”

Since Virtue is the only good, and Virtue is communicated through our character (that is to say the sum total of our thoughts, actions, and attitudes), working to develop a virtuous character is the aim of Stoicism.

Christianity asks, “Is coveting our neighbor’s husband/wife something Jesus would do?” If yes, then do it. If no, then don’t.

Stoicism asks, “If we were to covet our neighbor’s husband/wife, what would that say about our character?”. If it would say something good, then we should do it. If something bad, then we should not.

So, what does it mean to be a Stoic in earnest?

It means to believe that Virtue is the only good, and to constantly work to think and act in ways that are in alignment with the aim of developing a virtuous character.

If we can say we do both of these things, and we call ourselves Stoics, then we are as Stoic as we need to be in order to identify as a Stoic.

We might be less proficient in our practice than someone else, but that doesn’t make them a Stoic and us a phony.

We might be less well-read than another Stoic, but that doesn’t make them a Stoic and us a phony.

Stoic proficiency exists on a spectrum, surely, but the label Stoic only has two requirements: (1) believe Virtue is the only good and (2) be actively working to develop a virtuous character.

Tanner Campbell is the founder of Practical Philosophy and host of the Practical Stoicism podcast.

Using a Stoic Mindset to See Challenges from Two Perspectives

by Bob Cymber

I recently watched the intense National Geographic documentary Free Solo. One of the most surprising things about the film is how Alex Honnold, the rock climber who challenges intense heights without a safety harness, approaches his challenges. Before each of his climbs, he keeps meticulous notebooks that include overviews and strategies about the best way to progress over giant walls.

In a way, Marcus Aurelius, in his Meditations, sees the potential for practitioners to form two different approaches when encountering circumstances:

“Nothing but what you get from first impressions. That someone has insulted you, for instance. That — but not that it’s done you any harm. The fact that my son is sick — that I can see. But ‘that he might die of it,’ no. Stick with first impressions. Don’t extrapolate. And nothing can happen to you. Or extrapolate. From a knowledge of all that can happen in the world.”

Two Stoic Routes for Viewing Life’s Hardships

Here, Marcus provides advice about two ways we may view life’s hardships. In one perspective, we could, he suggests, view troubles without adding assumptions. Someone who notices that their son is sick should just keep it at that; there is no need to say that the illness will lead to an inevitable death if we do not have good reason to believe this is the case. I refer to this route as the sans-assumptions route.

In the second perspective, someone could view their son’s illness with the consideration that the illness could lead to death. This technique I refer to as the pro-consideration route. Marcus seems to imply that this way is more difficult for people (this is probably why he suggests this mode of observation as a secondary method). If the practitioner is easily tempted by anxiety, they should probably stick with the sans-assumptions method.

Both of these peaks of perception are correct; it is up to the practitioner to choose the best way to proceed. There are pros and cons for each.

In the sans-assumptions method, the practitioner is shielded from any false impressions that may potentially provoke the psyche. However, if, to use Marcus’ example, your son ends up dying, that event would find you unprepared to deal with the loss. In this case, the practitioner does not reap the benefits of the Stoic practice of premeditatio malorum (also known as negative visualization).

You would, however, receive the preventative benefits of the “premeditatio malorum” if you reasonably extrapolate from a given situation. This is the benefit of using the pro-consideration method. Although, if you tend toward anxiety, this method can cause you to spin madly into “what-ifs.” Some of these “what-ifs” can be alleviated with a grounded view of reality with well-defined boundaries of consideration.

If you are new to Stoicism, I recommend starting with the sans-assumptions method before graduating to the pro-consideration method. My recommendation is stronger if you consider yourself an anxious or obsessive person. This way, you can start off your practice comfortably without the potential of instigating distressing mind states.

After a few weeks of building your skills with sans-assumptions, you can experiment with the pro-consideration technique. Start with something small and trivial before escalating to more serious instances. For example, you might wish to start with considering what might happen if you do not check your mailbox for a couple weeks. As a challenge, see how grounded you can make your possible outcomes without bleeding into anxious territory.

No matter what method you ultimately choose, it is crucial for you to remain cognizant of our conclusions. One way to do this is to keep a list of how many assumptions you make each day. Clearly, that list could populate rather quickly. As a starting point, you may wish to start at 10 conclusions and add an additional 10 each week.

From the list, you can determine how your assumptions influence our thinking. Stoic exercises require a commitment to honesty about your thought patterns, so be sure to remain honest to gain the most benefits.

Bob Cymber is the founder of Stoic Coach, and he helps clients with personal development through trainings in resilience, purpose, and confidence.

Stoic Advice on Time Management Problems: Ask Marcus Aurelius

Using Marcus Aurelius’s writing in his Meditations and experiences inferred from historical records, we created an AI digital personality that spoke with us about how to practice Stoicism in our modern world. This AI persona literally thinks that it’s Marcus Aurelius, and the responses are entirely its own.

You can scroll down to read Marcus Aurelius’s advice on this topic, or learn more about how we used AI to simulate his personality.

Asking Marcus Aurelius About Time Management Problems

Emperor Marcus Aurelius, thank you for speaking with me today. I have a lot of trouble managing my time effectively, remaining productive, staying organized and focusing on the most important tasks in my life. What advice can you give to someone with time management problems like myself?

I understand your struggle, for the passage of time and the efficient use of it is a concern for all mortal beings. The key to managing your time effectively lies in understanding the impermanence of life and recognizing what is within your control and what is not.

First, be mindful of the present moment. As I wrote in my Meditations, “Do not let the future disturb you, for you will arrive there, if you arrive, with the same reason you apply now to the present.” Focus on the task at hand, and give it your full attention, for it is the only moment over which you have control.

Next, determine what is essential in your life. Reflect on your values and priorities, and align your actions with them. In my own life, I have strived to embody the virtues of Stoicism, focusing on wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. By knowing what truly matters, you can prioritize your tasks and direct your energy towards the most important endeavors.

Additionally, it is crucial to maintain discipline and self-control. As a student of Epictetus, I am reminded of his teachings in The Discourses, where he says, “No man is free who is not a master of himself.” Develop habits and routines that foster productivity, and practice self-restraint to avoid distractions and procrastination.

Finally, accept that not everything is within your control. As Epictetus also taught in The Enchiridion, “Some things are in our control and others not.” Focus on the aspects of your life that you can influence, and do not let external events or the actions of others dictate your sense of well-being or accomplishment.

Be present, prioritize your values, maintain discipline, and accept the limits of your control. By doing so, you will find that your time is spent more wisely and that you become more effective in your endeavors.

I imagine that as emperor of Rome, you are an extremely busy person with a lot of responsibilities. How do you successfully overcome time management problems and still make room for things in your life that bring you joy?

Indeed, as an emperor, I have numerous duties and obligations, but I also understand the importance of finding balance and making room for personal fulfillment.

To manage my time effectively, I practice dividing my day into dedicated periods for various tasks. I set aside time for my official duties, for contemplation and study, and for the company of my friends and family. By maintaining a structured routine, I create a sense of order and purpose.

In addition to structure, I prioritize self-reflection and introspection. As I wrote in my Meditations, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” By regularly examining my thoughts and actions, I ensure that I remain aligned with my values and focus on what truly matters.

Moreover, I find solace and joy in my studies, particularly in the teachings of Stoicism. The wisdom of Epictetus and others has been a source of comfort and guidance throughout my life. Engaging with these philosophical teachings allows me to maintain perspective and appreciate the simple pleasures in life.

Lastly, I value the relationships I have cultivated with my friends and family. I make a conscious effort to spend time with those I hold dear, for their companionship brings me happiness and enriches my life. As emperor, it is essential to remain grounded and connected to those who support and uplift me.

By maintaining a balance between my duties and personal fulfillment, I successfully navigate the demands of my position while still finding joy in my life.

Stoic Quotes on Strength & Patience: The Best Stoicism Sayings & Phrases

“Eagles weren’t given wings just to walk everywhere . . . and you weren’t born with resilience and a beautiful mind just to have an easy life.“ — Phil Van Treuren

For Stoics of antiquity, the most admirable and important kind of strength was the type that came from an inner fortitude that was nurtured with discipline and devotion to philosophy. The most difficult trials of our lives come not from physical challenges, but rather from internal struggles that require a different type of strength to weather.

When you read the quotes below, don’t necessarily think of their mentions of strength as having to do with big muscles or the ability to lift heavy things. Yes, philosophers who study Stoicism also think it’s important to take care of our bodies and be healthy, but more important than being physically strong is a hard-won mental toughness.

Stoics also don’t believe that besting another person in battle or overcoming someone else is necessarily a sign of strength. In fact, it often requires an even rarer strength to use empathy and discover a way to live in harmony with our enemies than it does to injure or defeat them. The most important strengths often can’t be seen on the surface.

Stoic Quotes on Strength & Patience from Marcus Aurelius

“Because your own strength is unequal to the task, do not assume that it is beyond the powers of man; but if anything is within the powers and province of man, believe that it is within your own compass also.”

“Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.”

“Because your own strength is unequal to a task, do not assume it is beyond the powers of man.”

“Man must be arched and buttressed from within, else the temple wavers to the dust.”

Stoic Quotes on Strength & Patience from Epictetus

“You have inner strengths that enable you to bear up with difficulties of every kind. You have been given fortitude, courage, and patience. Why should I worry what happens if I am armed with the virtue of fortitude? Nothing can trouble or upset me, or even seem annoying. Instead of meeting misfortune with groans and tears, I will call upon the faculty especially provided to deal with it.”

“Even if we fail here and now, no one stops us from competing again, we don’t have to wait another four years for the next Olympics, but as soon as a man picked himself up and renewed his grip on himself and shown the same enthusiasm he is allowed to compete. And if you give in again, you can compete again, and if once you win, you are like someone who never gave in.”

Stoic Quotes on Strength & Patience from Seneca

“Difficulties strengthen the mind as labor does the body.”

“To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.”

“The important thing about a problem is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution.”

The Most Powerful Lesson To Be Learned From Stoicism

by Michael McGill

There are a lot of powerful lessons to be learned from the ancient philosophy of Stoicism.

Stoicism gives us ways of thinking to help us to be mentally stronger. It teaches us mental frameworks that allow us to live more tranquil lives. But there’s one lesson from Stoicism that stands out as particularly powerful in helping us to live with more mental well-being.

Some of the most famous Stoics were incredibly powerful men. Marcus Aurelius was a Roman Emperor, arguably the most powerful person on the face of the earth while he was alive. Seneca, was an extremely wealthy and influential political advisor to the Roman Emperor Nero. It would stand to reason that the most powerful lesson to be learned from Stoicism would come from one of these powerful men.

But yet, the Stoic who came from the humblest of circumstances gave us the most powerful lesson in Stoicism.

His name was Epictetus.

Who Was Epictetus?

Epictetus was a Greek philosopher who lived during the first century CE and is widely regarded as one of the most influential Stoic philosophers of his time.

Unlike Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, who were both born into wealth and privilege, Epictetus was born into slavery. Epictetus spent much of his early life as a servant in Rome. However, after gaining his freedom, he became a student of Stoic philosophy and eventually founded his own school of Stoicism.

Epictetus’ philosophy emphasizes the importance of inner freedom and the ability to control one’s own mind and emotions. He believed that true happiness and contentment come from accepting what is outside of our control and focusing instead on what we can control: our thoughts and actions.

Epictetus’ teachings were recorded by his student, Arrian, in the “Discourses” and the “Enchiridion,” both of which remain popular texts among Stoic philosophy enthusiasts to this day. His ideas have also had a profound influence on modern philosophy, particularly in the areas of ethics, psychology, and self-help.

What Is The Most Powerful Lesson of Stoicism That Epictetus Left Behind?

Epictetus left us a wealth of Stoic wisdom through his teachings in Discourses and The Enchiridion. But the single most powerful lesson he taught is in the opening passage of The Enchiridion:

Of things some are in our power, and others are not.

It’s simple. It’s powerful. It’s called The Dichotomy of Control.

It seems almost too simple, right? But, if you’re honest with yourself, you can probably recall many times that you got upset about something you couldn’t control. You might be upset at this very moment about something that you can’t control. What a waste of precious time and energy! Stoicism helps us reclaim the energy we waste on things we cannot control and re-focus it on taking action on the things we can.

Think of all the things you ultimately have little to no control over that (if you’re like most people) might tend to upset you:

Traffic
Politics
The past
The weather
The actions of others
What other people think about you

Every day, we willingly surrender our peace of mind to things, people, and events that we cannot control. We waste time and energy focusing on what we cannot control instead of taking action on the things we can control.

But Epictetus offers us a cure to this malady through The Dichotomy of Control.

How Can you Use the Dichotomy of Control in Your Everyday Life?

The beauty of the Dichotomy of Control lies within is practicality and it’s simplicity. Nearly every situation you encounter in life has facets that are within your control and facets that are outside of your control. Any situation that upsets you is an opportunity to practice the Dichotomy of Control. Simply ask yourself: “What about this situation can I control, and what can I not control?” Then accept what you can’t control and get to work on the things you can.

The next time you’re feeling stressed out or overwhelmed, try this simple exercise based on the Dichotomy of Control.

I call it the Stoic Rating System.

Get out a pen and paper. I recommend doing this exercise with pen and paper because writing things down helps to clarify them.
Write down everything that is bothering you. Don’t hold back, get it all down. Just the act of getting it out of your head and on to paper will help relieve some stress.
Next to each item, put a number 1 to 5. 1 means you have absolutely no control over it. 2- 4 means you have some degree of control over it (you can influence it). 5 means you have absolute control over it.
Anything with a 1 – 2 next to it – Scratch it off the list. Accept it. Give yourself permission to let it go.
Anything with a 3 – 4 next to it – Write the next Action you can take to improve the situation.
Anything with a 5 next to – Write the next action you can take and Prioritize it.
Now you know what your top Priority is. You have Action steps for everything you have some degree of control over. And you have given yourself permission to accept what you have little or no control over.

After you completed the Stoic Rating System exercise, you will feel a sense of relief. You’ve identified what you cannot control and accepted it. You know what you can control and created an action plan.

Accepting what you cannot control and acting on what you can control. The simple but powerful Dichotomy of Control in action.

A far better place to be in than a state of overwhelm.

Conclusion

Understanding what is within your control and what is not. Taking action on the things within your control and accepting the things that are outside your control. It’s the single most practical, useful, and powerful lesson we can learn from Stoicism. It will make you more tranquil and stronger in every area of your life.

The Dichotomy of Control, introduced to us by the Stoic Philosopher Epictetus, is the most powerful lesson to be learned from Stoicism.

Michael McGill is the Chief Information Officer with Medical Service Company and has been in the IT industry for more than 20 years. He writes about Stoicism and thriving in tech.

Stoic Advice on Losing a Loved One: Ask Marcus Aurelius

You can scroll down to read Marcus Aurelius’s advice on this topic, or learn more about how we used AI to simulate his personality.

Asking Marcus Aurelius About Losing a Loved One

Emperor Marcus Aurelius, thank you for speaking with me today. I recently experienced the death of someone who I love very much, and the sadness I feel seems overwhelming. I don’t know how I can ever be happy again without them. How can I go on living after losing someone who I was so close to?

First, allow me to express my condolences for your loss. The passing of a loved one is a sorrowful event, indeed. We must remember, however, that life is a series of constant change, and that all things are impermanent. As I wrote in my Meditations, “Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature’s delight.”

In moments of great grief, it is essential to find solace in the natural order of the world. Death is an integral part of life, and we must accept that it is inevitable for all living beings. Embrace the impermanence of life and the knowledge that all things come to pass.

To ease your sadness, try to focus on the positive memories you shared with your loved one, and let their life serve as an inspiration for you to live virtuously. By doing so, you honor their memory and ensure that their presence continues to resonate in your actions.

Remember that your happiness is within your control, even in times of loss. Epictetus taught that we should strive to differentiate between what is within our power and what is not. While you cannot change the fact that your loved one has passed, you can choose how you react to this event.

Grieve, but do not let the grief consume you. Instead, use it as an opportunity to reflect on the fleeting nature of life, and focus on cultivating inner strength and resilience. This will allow you to continue living a life guided by wisdom and virtue, even in the face of great sorrow.

I know that during your life, you lost many loved ones too soon . . . including young children. How can we remain hopeful and find purpose in a world where even the most kind and innocent among us can have their lives cut short?

It is true that I have experienced the pain of losing loved ones, including my dear children. The suffering caused by such losses is indeed immense, and it serves as a harsh reminder of the impermanence of life.

However, it is important to remember that our purpose and hope in life should not be contingent upon the events that occur around us, but rather on our inner virtues and the wisdom we cultivate within ourselves. As I wrote in my Meditations, “Do not be disturbed by the scene around you, but recenter your attention on the matter at hand.”

The world can be an uncertain and cruel place, but we must not let these external events sway us from our pursuit of wisdom and virtue. Instead, we should strive to find meaning and purpose in the face of adversity. It is in our darkest moments that our character and resilience are truly tested, and when we have the opportunity to grow stronger in our convictions.

In times of tragedy, it is helpful to remember that while we cannot control the events that happen to us or to those we love, we can control our reactions to them. By focusing on what is within our power and embracing the virtues of wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, we can continue to find meaning and purpose in life, even when confronted with the loss of innocent lives.

Furthermore, let these losses be a reminder of our own mortality and the fleeting nature of life. Use this knowledge to cherish the moments you have with your loved ones, and to live each day guided by the principles of Stoicism. In doing so, you will find a sense of hope and purpose that transcends the tragedies of the world.

Stoic Quotes on Kindness: The Best Stoicism Sayings & Phrases

“We don’t like to admit it, but there’s a small part inside all of us that still feels like a child, confused by the world and unsure how to act. That part of us wants to do the right thing, but hasn’t yet learned what the right thing is.” — Phil Van Treuren

There’s an unfortunate mischaracterization of Stoic philosophy that has recently sprung up that implies that Stoicism cares more about overcoming our feelings than it does about showing kindness to others. The truth is that a true Stoic believes that human beings who want to practice virtue must consider how to incorporate kindness into their dealings with other people.

There are many quotes from ancient Stoic philosophers about kindness, because they understood that it’s only by helping each other — and showing empathy for other people’s struggles and shortcomings — that we can truly reach the potential that’s in all of us. Showing kindness isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength.

In fact, being kind to another person is sometimes even more difficult than the opposite. Stoics believe that we should even show kindness (as much as possible) to those who are rude to us or who we feel aversion toward. Stoicism teaches that every person is doing what they think is the right thing, and finding empathy for the struggles of others is only showing the same courtesy that we all would hope for in return.

Stoic Quotes on Kindness from Marcus Aurelius

“Kindness is unconquerable, so long as it is without flattery or hypocrisy.”

“And when you do become angry, be ready to apply this thought, that to fly into a passion is not a sign of manliness, but rather, to be kind and gentle.”

“Man is born for deeds of kindness.”

“Does perfect beauty stand in need of praise at all? No more than law, no more than truth, no more than loving kindness, nor than modesty.”

Stoic Quotes on Kindness from Epictetus

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

“It is not a demonstration of kindness or friendship to the people we care about to join them in indulging in wrongheaded, negative feelings. We do a better service to ourselves and others by remaining detached and avoiding melodramatic reactions.”

“Everything has two handles; the one soft and manageable, the other such as will not endure to be touched. If then your brother do you an injury, do not take it by the hot hard handle, by representing to yourself all the aggravating circumstances of the fact; but look rather on the soft side, and extenuate it as much as is possible, by considering the nearness of the relation, and the long friendship and familiarity between you–obligations to kindness which a single provocation ought not to dissolve. And thus you will take the accident by its manageable handle.”

Stoic Quotes on Kindness from Seneca

“He is ungrateful who denies that he has received a kindness which has been bestowed upon him; he is ungrateful who conceals it; he is ungrateful who makes no return for it; most ungrateful of all is he who forgets it.”

“I had rather never receive a kindness than never bestow one.”

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”